Chuckles

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man whats wrong. I feel terrible, he explains, I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it. The blonde says, Dont worry. She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight. The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit? The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says. (This is bad!) (OK, here it is) It says,

Hair SprayRestores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave. Happy Easter.

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home? Well, he said, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub. Oh, I understand, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup. No, he said. A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?

A grandfather took his eighteen-year-old grandson to play golf at his country club. On a severely doglegged par-5, the grandfather told his grandson, You know, when I was about your age, my father taught me to aim right over those trees and I hit the green every time. The grandson, thrilled at his grandfathers advice, thought about the comment and decided to give it a try. He hit a perfect drive, but it landed right in the middle of the fifty-foot trees. The grandson looked angrily at the grandfather, who shrugged and said, Of course, when I was your age, those trees were only twelve feet tall.

A clergyman walking down a country lane sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off. You look hot, my son, said the cleric. Why dont you rest a moment, and Ill give you a hand. No, thanks, said the young man. My father wouldnt like it. Dont be silly, the minister said. Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water. Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and Ill give him a piece of my mind! Well, replied the young farmer, Hes under the load of hay.

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she said.. that it had to be at least 8 characters long..!!

Thought Provoking Statements

1. I think part of a best friends job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize youre wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didnt want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the h are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet.

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I cant remember the last time I wasnt at least kind of tired.

10 Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just arent going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I dont want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. Im always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. Do not machine wash or tumble dry means I will never wash this ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didnt answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some peoples phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an Avoid Ghetto routing option.

21. Sometimes Ill watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand that take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when Im trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say What? before you just nod and smile because you still didnt hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent someone from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters.

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. Theres no worse feeling than that millisecond youre sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no mater what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

31. Sometimes Ill look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

ADVERTISERS

Directory

Classified

Aaron Beasley Embalming Service & Crematory

American Crematory Equipment Co.

American Macular Degeneration Foundation

ASD, Inc.