After Thoughts

Late Fall 2009 www.thedead-beat.com Volume 10 Issue 4

Columns

Spotlight

Kenneth J. Doka

Mortuary Muse

Behind the Back Fence

After Thoughts

Dear Counselor

Tips from the Back Room

Crypt-ic Commentary

After-Thoughts

by Joanne Howard

Now every year I have tried to come up with some relevant thoughts for you to take with you and hopefully be a comfort. My life has been so hectic I have been struggling to arrive at the appropriate thoughts to share. I try very hard to let God guide me to what would be most comforting and helpful. So I have come up with three different sources of information for us to contemplate.

A book “Everyday Angels- Simple Ways to Be an Angel for Others Every day,” by Karon Phillips Goodman, is my first source of inspiration. The introduction of this small book talked about those “everyday angels” that are the ones that “entered your life at good times and bad, who have been just the godsend that you needed right when you needed it.” It also mentions, “You’ve been someone’s angel too, when you shared and helped and guided and loved, or maybe just listened.”

The definition that is sometimes given for an angel is “an attendant spirit.” These attendant spirits share their peace and joy and serenity, reach out to others without judgment, look forward and not back and finally see the best, take it and leave the rest behind. Seizing the opportunity that God gives us to reach out and be an angel is not hard, but it’s a matter of “giving what you have and listening with your heart,” as the tiny book describes.

Our everyday angels or attendant spirits were very present when we lost our loved ones. They were the people that guided us when we couldn’t think, provided the shoulders to cry on and the ears to listen to us over and over again. They expected nothing from us, but were willing to do anything we needed. You all remember and are very thankful for these individuals. And as we are thankful for our loved ones and all of our memories, we are also thankful for our everyday angels. We probably couldn’t have made it through without them.

As important as our everyday angels continue to be in our journey of recovery and adjustment to the loss of our loved ones, another concept that I found comforting were ornaments called “Blessing Boxes.”

They had different keepsake stones on the boxes and messages attached. Some of the boxes were Faith, Angel, Love, and Prayer. But the one that caught my attention was the one called “Memories.” Its message is one to remember and we created some ornaments. The message said, “This gift represents memories, to be cherished every year; A symbol of our loved ones, who no longer can be here; Hang it on the tree, so all the world can see, that though we may be far apart, the memories will live forever in our heart.”

We will never forget our loved one and they will always be in our heart, but doesn’t it feel great to have something that shows the world a way that we are remembering. I realize that not everyone will see your box on the tree or somewhere in your house, but those that do visit and see it may be touched by its message and even remember their own loved ones. Is this not why there are so many memorials in the world??? I even have my memorial corner at the funeral home in memory of my girls, people look at it and remember them.

So in addition to everyday angels comforting us, our blessing boxes with memories of our loved one will comfort us and maybe allow us to be an everyday angel to someone else.

Finally a devotional in Guideposts by Scott Walker got my attention of how we should approach life. His message was about St. Therese of Lisieux (1873-1897). She was a young Carmelite nun. Due to her tuberculosis she never left the convent after age 16 and she died at 24. But she was considered a saint.

Though her life was confined she developed a rule for living called “the little way.” Simply put, “you cannot always choose your circumstances or the company that surrounds you. But you can choose to love each person with whom you come into contact each day.” Michael Novak explained, “Therese believed no matter what spiritual darkness you find yourself in, choose as your North Star a tender love for the persons that life’s contingencies have put next to you.” So the conclusion to all our challenges in life may be, “simply try to love the person closest to you.” Let’s turn our lives to the positive even in the worst times, with love for each other and let “this little way” guide us to better performance as everyday angels and leave many memories for our blessing boxes.

About the author: Joanne Howard is the editor of The Dead Beat. She has been a licensed funeral director since 1992 with Pugh Funeral Home in Golden City, MO and also the aftercare coordinator. Much of her writing in this column is influenced by her loss of her two daughters Laura at age 10 in 1997 and Amy at age 19 in 2003. Any comments or questions can be directed to 417-537-4412, P.O. Box 145, Golden City, MO 64748 or email Joanne@thedead-beat.com.