After Thoughts

Early Spring 2010 www.thedead-beat.com Volume 10 Issue 6

Columns

Spotlight

Kenneth J. Doka

Mortuary Muse

Behind the Back Fence

After Thoughts

Dear Counselor

Urns & Outs

Tips from the Back Room

Crypt-ic Commentary

After-Thoughts

by Joanne Howard

It has become more and more difficult to decide on a topic to discuss. Of course, if my computer could have access to the internet maybe I could see something to talk about. But maybe this electronic connection needs to be severed in order to really think about things.

Electronic connection via the internet has been really challenging lately at work. Something is causing quite the problems with my main internet computer. After many attempts at correcting the problem, it still exists and is majorly frustrating. Our dependence on the internet and cell phones is quite evident when you are having problems.

Remember when you had to be home to get phone calls or you waited for letters to hear from people. My husband and I were at a shopping outlet center and he was in one store and I was in another. He called me to ask about something and wondered where I was. I happened to be in the store next to him. Remember when you would have to just looked in the stores or around a store to find someone?

Wouldnt it be nice to just call who died on their cell phone in Heaven? But just like there are no U-Hauls following the hearses with possessions to take with them, there also are no cell phone normally in the caskets, at least I havent put any in lately.

Losing anything whether our electronic connections or physical connections creates so many challenges. The underlying feelings of frustration is just one of the many things we deal with. Im so tempted to throw my computer across the room lately is just one of the ways. But what about that person that you will never see again. You would do anything for them to be back in your life causing whatever challenges that they gave you.

I had an overwhelming feeling of sadness the other day. I was attributing it to an event that I had put on that didnt go that well. But then it dawned on me that maybe it had been a wedding shower for a friend of my daughter. It was taking place at our church and I had gotten the gift and everything. But the thought of her opening her gifts and enjoying the happiness was just a bit more than I could handle. Why couldnt my girls be experiencing this same joy???

Well, their connection had been lost and no computer or cell phone could reach them now. So the sadness engulfed me again even without my realizing it.

I heard the phrase about the wounds healing in reference to losing a loved one and I wanted to scream that it never truly heals. This sadness and depression many years after the loss made it clear. Ive spoken in the past, that a wound still leaves a scar that never truly is the same as it was. Ever have a scar and you get sunburned? It makes that scar much more obvious. Certain events or circumstances in your life after your loved one is gone is like being sunburned. After the sunburn subsides and the scar isnt as obvious, our lives also go on as if nothing has made us sad.

Im sure after my computer eventually gets fixed or I get a new one, Ill forget about my frustrations. But down deep, I still wish I could call my daughters on their cell phones in heaven or send them a quick e-mail about how much I love and miss them.

About the author: Joanne Howard is the editor of The Dead Beat. She has been a licensed funeral director since 1992 with Pugh Funeral Home in Golden City, MO and also the aftercare coordinator. Much of her writing in this column is influenced by her loss of her two daughters Laura at age 10 in 1997 and Amy at age 19 in 2003. Any comments or questions can be directed to 417-537-4412, P.O. Box 145, Golden City, MO 64748 or email Joanne@thedead-beat.com.